that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
