looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
