I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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