2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
