I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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