I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
