I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize