If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
