she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
