dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
