woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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