I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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