it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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