I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize