Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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