the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
