whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize