Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
