My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sext me about skeletons
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
