You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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