I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
