U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
