Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
