I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
