Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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