Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
God, I missed his penis.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
