I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
