I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
