even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Actions speak louder than pants.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize