today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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