he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
