I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
