I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
