I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
