i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
