you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize