I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
