So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
