So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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