I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
