I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
