Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
