Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
