I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
