so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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