Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
