o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
