I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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