Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
