i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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