he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
