omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Brb crying the tears of my youth
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize