wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
