So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
