is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
