dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
