wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
