my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You made out with two different species that night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
