no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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