Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
