I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
