I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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