Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
