I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
