there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
