Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
