someone get that fucking seahorse.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
