I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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