I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
