i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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