we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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