youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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