I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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