When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
