He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize