where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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