is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
