I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
