I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
