Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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