Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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