I'm gonna have a badass scar
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
