fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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