I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
