Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
