Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
