If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
