I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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