yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
