listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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