I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
