He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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