Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize