i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
