I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
