smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
