Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
