Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize