Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
