Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
