Pants 0. Shit 1.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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